Friday, September 13, 2013

Having my frozen cake and eating it too. Big time.



I will always have a food obsession.  Weight Watchers notwithstanding, I still have problems with overeating sometimes, and out of the blue, can give in to my addiction for sweets.  Actually, it’s more than just ‘giving in’—it’s an all-out matter of can’t stopping.  My years as a dietitian and my years (decades actually) as a Weight Watcher member have not cured me.  I used to think I had this problem solved, but I have discovered that it will never truly go away. 

Backtrack a few weeks ago.  Our 2 daughters gave Broccoli Bob and me a surprise 30th wedding anniversary party.  We had friends and family there, grey and pink personalized M&M favors, and lots of especially-ordered-for-me healthy food for the luncheon.  And the requisite wedding cake, complete with the original bride and groom topper that my mother had saved all these years for just an occasion like this.  Let me elaborate on this cake.  Bottom layer is chocolate cake with a mousse filling.  Top layer is vanilla cake with pudding.  All wrapped in an immaculate white frosting with a pink and grey ribbon around each circumference.  Gorgeous.


The cake was big!  Hey, cake leftovers are always welcome.  As this “bride” was cutting the cake for the party guests, I made the serving sizes Jewish-style generous.  Not only did I wish to share my joy, but I wanted as much of this cake to disappear so I wouldn’t have to think about it later.  Even while slicing the cake, I knew I was going to have a problem with the leftovers.



Party over.  Cleaned up and packed up all the remaining sandwiches, salads…and a lot of cake.  Broccoli Bob divided the cake into 3 large, lidded Tupperware containers and put them in our freezer.  And later that night, he takes out the cake from the freezer and leaves it on the counter for a truly unnecessary snack.  But who can wait until it defrosts?  Notthebroccolimama (younger daughter) and I start to eat the cake frozen and Broccoli Bob joins in.  OMG.  Frosting is now crunchy.  Cake is roll-and-then-melt-in-your-mouth deliciousness.  And those mousse and pudding fillings?  Fuhgettaboutit.  Forkful after forkful, 3 of us work on this cake proclaiming our pleasure.  But the problem isn’t in the eating of the frozen cake.  The problem, like with many foods, good or bad, is in not stopping.  And here’s where my addiction, which I had so had hoped to have conquered by now, bubbles up like champagne for the anonymous alcoholic.

So here I am, dietitian-not-so-extraordinaire, Weight Watcher-with-some-success, reader of loads of books about our relationships with food, and I can’t stop eating the frozen cake.  The addiction comes back with a vengeance to fill my mouth and soul with sugar.  Mentally and physically incapable of stopping that sweetness insanity.  Eating until I feel sick.  Bringing me back 40 years and 40 pounds. 

And the next day, there is still more cake left in the freezer.  I toss out the rest of the vanilla cake into the trash in one solid heap.  Happy it’s gone and is no longer a burden for me to deal with.  But Broccoli Bob and Notthebroccolimama are angry that I threw it out.  They just don’t understand.  They don’t feel out of control in the cake’s presence.  But I remind them that there’s still the round chocolate cake in another square Tupperware in the freezer.  A puzzle in itself.  It comes out again a few nights later when I’m no longer feeling sick from the previous sugar overdose.  The 3 of us sit at the kitchen table again and tackle that frozen cake enthusiastically, and fortunately, less guiltily.  Reassembling the cake in my mind, I fit the calories into my points system, into my diet, into my life.  The cake is here and I need to be comfortable with letting it live in my home.  It was bought for a celebration and will get the respect it deserves.  At the age of nearly 60, it’s time to admit the sugar/cake addiction will always be here.  I’ll just eat more of the good stuff on all the other days.  And those wonderful daughters of mine who gave us this beautiful celebration, well, that is what life is truly about.