I may be a dietitian, but I'm a bit chubby. Always have been. Except for that time I first joined "Lean Jeans" and was following the Weight Watchers diet and got down to my thinnest, a size 10. I was actually very heavy at one time as well, about 15 years ago. Really don't know what happened, but I exploded to about 180 or 190 pounds, even with exercising. But for the better part of my 58 years, I've been somewhere in the middle of these two extremes. And that's with regular exercise and with some mindful eating. And the truth of the matter is that I've obsessed about my weight and how I look. And I want to change that.
For years, years, years, I've weighed myself. Get up. Pee. Take off pajamas and get on the scale for the lowest weight of the day. Base what I wear on that morning's weight. Look around whatever room I'm in later that day and determine if I'm the heaviest one there. I can even tell you how much I weighed at any particular event. Count calories, Weight Watchers points, grams of fat, write it all down. Put it onto an App on my iPhone. Subtract points/calories with exercise. Continue same, every day, ad nauseam.
But now, I'M DONE. Done with getting on the scale. Done with getting on the scale and determining how my day will go with my mood, based on the scale's read-out. Done with counting calories and writing it all down. Done with worrying about how I look to others. Done with being disgusted with myself. It's gotten me nowhere except to a place that's sad and self-depreciating. Do I wish to be thinner? Yes. Have I tried my darndest to get my BMI to 25? You betcha. So I turned to Dr. Weil's readings about what to do next. His answer--If you've tried and you're still not at the weight you love, then try to be in love with the weight you're at and the person that you are. Whew. But it's not so easy to dissolve those old thoughts. So it's one day at a time. One meal at a time. Stay with it. I know how to eat healthfully. I always plan for 5 days of exercise weekly. What more do I need? But what happened yesterday? One of the patients that I work with looked at me and said "hey, you've gained weight". I was sunken. He may have been right as my clothes may not be as comfortable as they used to be. But boy I could have popped him on his skinny head when he made that remark. So today's a new day and I'm going to TRY to love the body that I have and the person I am. Stay conscious. And I'm off to spinning class!
